An Intimate Portrait: Sex vs. Intimacy

Just saying “It is March” warms the heart. Even if spring is another three weeks away, and even if the weather may still be cool, knowing that it is March and next comes April, brings hope. I like about three days of winter and then I’ve had my fill.

Switching gears.

Above is a picture of Doris Day and Rock Hudson from the 1959 film, Pillow Talk. I included it for its "silent" commentary on the human relationship between the sexes. Besides, it's a wonderful photograph packed with expression and restrained emotion.

The other night, Saturday, I was out for a midnight walk. Technically that means it was morning, but I don’t consider the hour to be “Morning” until 5:30 am, at least. Well, I was out for a stroll with my pup—he’s four- but I still call him my pup. The night was quiet; the moon bright through the barren trees. I felt no need or want for sex. This feeling was liberating. It meant I was free from requiring anything of anyone. I had everything I needed within myself.

Sex isn’t everything. I knew this as a much younger man in my twenties, but my body wasn’t ready to accept it though my heart grasped the perfection of something far more powerful, borne of emotion, manifesting into the physical. It is called intimacy. A connection so profound that what the heart feels transcends into the primal body. I’ve never seen the point in meaningless sex. It is a sacred act. As such, it should be shared only when it is natural, not spurred on by pure animalistic libido.

Walking along, I felt absolutely complete. I have experienced true, lasting pleasure in my life. Nothing is forever, however. Everything peaks sooner than later. Contrast is key to appreciating any high. I am not ready to become a monk, but my point is simple: in that moment I no longer felt the need to seek out sex. If and when it comes, fine by me. But I don’t need to go searching it out. That part of me has been fulfilled. How wonderful. The distraction removed; I am free to focus on more productive matters of life. This isn’t to say that if the woman who loves me walked up and kissed me at length, that I would turn her away. After all, a heartfelt tumble in the hay is good for the constitution, but with everything moderation is key.

Sex dominates our society and the world. The amount of energy devoted to its relative byproducts, and the direct act itself, poses the question: Are we really the most evolved species if we are so preoccupied with something that has been going on since the dawn of Time? Look at the money spent to procure sex slaves? And all the paraphernalia, magazines, so forth. There is no end. After a while sex becomes boring. But intimacy never grows old. It’s the anticipation, the emotional and mental foreplay of any given situation and scenario, the unfolding of a subtle gesture that truly engages, arouses, and offers lasting satisfaction and—if we’re fortunate enough to find the right partner—fulfillment.

'Sex' by itself is just a word, a noun and action that exists between the legs. It "always" catches the eye. You decided to read this post, didn't you? Why? The word 'sex' attracts intrigue. The proof is in the pudding...an innuendo or an everyday expression? You see, when sex is on the mind, a casual look or statement takes on an entirely new meaning.

'Intimacy' is a sensation, an arousal of utmost affection residing within that most private of chambers—the heart. Sex in the absence of love is responsible for so much unhappiness in the world. It’s an illness, a need to fill a void. A desperate merry-go-round. If you have to ask yourself: Do I want to be with this person or should I marry him or her, then you already have your answer. It is no. When you want to be with someone, to give and share your life with another person, every fiber of your being knows. There is no hesitation or questioning. Yes, you may have doubts about the future, how you will manage this or that, but the most important criterion has already been met and answered. The heart knows. It truly does.

And that, Dear Reader, is all I have for tonight.